Ngoni Frequently Asked Questions

Ngoni Marriage 

Key roles 

Who is Umkhongi or Thenga?

• The Umkhongi is the marriage negotiator or intermediary. 

• He or she is the main point of contact for the family. 

Who can take up the role of Umkhongi?

• Anyone in the family can take on the Umkhongi role. It is not restricted to the uncle.  

What is the role of the Umkhongi from the bride’s side?

• The family makes their marriage ceremony demands known through the Umkhongi (intermediary)
• The spokesperson during the marriage process
• Marriage counselor during the course of the marriage 
• And the bride’s price proposer on behalf of the family.

What is the role of the Umkhongi from the groom’s side?

• The family makes their marriage ceremony demands known through the Thenga (intermediary)
• The spokesperson during the marriage process
• Marriage counselor during the course of the marriage 
• The bride’s price negotiator on behalf of the family

What are the qualities of Umkhongi?

• Trustworthy
• Maturity, sensitivity and dependability
• Good communication skills
• Good temperament
• Culturally knowledgeable 

Which family members accompany Umkhongi?

• Those that have been chosen by the family, or  the Umkhongi himself
• It is in accordance with the wishes of the family. 

What is the role of the family members?

• During the ceremony, Umthenga’s family members serve as witnesses. If there is any confusion or miscommunication, family members can remind Umkhongi. 

Who is Ankhazi (Aunt)?

• Ankhazi is the bride’s Aunt.

What is the role of the Ankhazi?

• The couple’s spokesperson to the parents 
• She informs the bride’s parents of her intention to marry. 
• She takes on an advisory role on the wedding for the bride and the bride’s parents

Who is Malume or Zakhali?

• Malume is an uncle to the groom.
• Zakhali (the groom’s female father) is the groom’s Aunt.

What is the role of a Zakhali?

• The couple’s spokesperson to the parents 
• He or she informs the bride’s parents of her intention to marry. 
• S/he takes on an advisory role on the wedding for the bride and the bride’s parents

The Process

What is Chikhole?

• This is a gift that is given to the bride-to-be as a promise to marry, done away at the groom and bride’s choice of time.
•  The Chikhole can be monetary or a long-lasting gift that the groom gives to the lady before the start of the marriage process.
• This only indicates the seriousness of the groom in terms of marrying their daughter to the bride’s family. 
• In modern settings, the Chikhole can be equated to the engagement ring the man gives to the woman.

What is Chionekera (meeting the aunt)?

• This is meeting the Aunt
• During the Kuonekera process, the groom meets the bride’s aunt and his bride. 
• During this, the groom pays Chaankhazi (for the aunt). 
• This is done before the lobola payments and is not included in the lobola. 

What is Chaankhazi?

• This money is given to the aunt, who then spends it on Vyakumphala, also known as Vyakuchisi. 

What is Lobola?

• Lobola is the payment made by the man in order to marry the woman who caught his eye. 
• It consists of Fuko, Jembe, Mkhuzi wa Wanyina, and the actual lobola.

What is Fuko?

• This is a token of appreciation for the father. 
• It’s mostly charged as one cattle (mostly bull), but in some cases the cattle is equated to cash, and the groom may pay in monetary form. 
• Signifies that the father passed on his tribe to the child. 
• These payments cement the relationship that exists between the   bride and the groom’. In some other cases, some bottles of beer are included for the father. 

What is Jembe (Hoe)?

• A hoe for the bride’s family, as they are certain of their settlement. 
• This is also given to the father if available and/or can be paid in cash.

What is Mkhuzi wa Wanyina/Chapamsana (appreciation for the mother)?

• Token of appreciation for the mother. 
• This is paid as an appreciation for all the effort the mother had placed on raising the girl child and the entire nurturing into womanhood process. 
• This is charged as one cow (mostly a bull) and, in recent cases, can be paid in cash, which is equal to the bull’s price to the mother. In all cases, this is not negotiable.

What is Malowolo/Chuma (The actual lobola)? 

• This is the payment that is mostly charged for more cattle. 
• Most people charge about 3 or 4 cattle (one cow and three bulls); this is paid to the entire bride’s family. 
• The groom’s family negotiates between what has been charged and what they can manage.  

 What is Nqibi?

• A ceremony that happens the night before the marriage.

What happens during Nqibi?

• The bride is delivered to the groom’s side after accepting the lobola the previous day

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