Yao Marriage Practices

Yao Marriage Practices 

Kuonegana kwa acinamangoswe (first meeting of intermediaries)

What is involved?

• literally nothing in terms of gifting or payments

Who is involved? 

• Ŵalume (groom-to-be)
• Ŵakongwe (bride-to-be)
• Acinamangoswe ŵakucilume (man’s intermediaries)
• Acinamangoswe ŵakucikongwe (woman’s intermediaries)

What is the process?

Kuonegana is a traditional practice initiating the marriage process among the Yao people. A man will inform his acinamangoswe, two people comprising mjomba or baba (uncles) or mama ŵanandi/ mama ŵakulungwa/ baba ŵakongwe (aunts), that he intends to marry. The uncle approaches the woman’s family in person, accompanied by another uncle or aunt. In the company of the acinamangoswe, he meets the woman’s acinamangoswe and informs them of the wish for the two to marry. The conversation would be like, Uncle/Aunt: “My cock here has seen a hen in your home,” which is understood as my nephew here has expressed interest in marrying your niece. Initially, the term to refer to the woman was “mkolo” which meant a chicken of the age between chick and hen (a connotation of virginity). The current is ŵakongwe meaning a woman. The woman’s acinamangoswe will ask for full details of the bride-to-be, which will be followed by inviting her to confirm. If the woman is aware that this is really her groom-to-be, she confirms and leaves the room. The intermediaries finally discuss the next dates they will meet for kuusya ulombela (a formal marriage proposal). 

Key roles explained 

Acinamangoswe ŵakucilume 

The man chooses either an uncle or an aunt, who is usually calm and composed and has sophisticated communication and negotiation skills. Such talents or skills are identified during various family meetings. The chosen uncle will find whoever can be of assistance throughout the process, but it is mostly another uncle or aunt of the man. The two will therefore go to the wife’s uncles for kuonegana to introduce themselves to the other family.

Acinamangoswe ŵakucikongwe 

Usually, the woman would initially inform her uncle or aunt of the pending arrival of the man’s people. There is no special preparation for them. Similarly, the woman will choose an uncle or aunt who is very conversant with the culture and is a skilled negotiator, who will also find an uncle or aunt with similar traits. Their role at this moment will be to welcome the man’s people.

Kuusya ulombela (customary marriage)

What is involved?

• cash

Who is involved?

• Acinamangoswe ŵakucilume (man’s intermediaries)
• Acinamangoswe ŵakucikongwe (woman’s intermediaries)

What is the process? 

Now the man’s acinamangoswe visits the woman’s acinamangoswe to formally cement the proposed marriage. Upon arrival, they are invited into a house by the woman’s acinamangoswe. The two sides agree that they will also have a religious wedding ceremony if they deem it necessary. Regardless of the agreed way forward, the woman’s uncle asks for a payment of mbiya jacinamangoswe (money for the woman’s intermediaries). There is nothing in particular that is considered; it is just a general charge. The payment of the demanded amount, which is usually not exorbitant, fortifies the marriage. As a customary wedding, kuusya ulombela formalizes the marriage. After this meeting, the two can start living together. In a case where the groom has money for ndowa or nikah (wedding), a date is set for the same, but there are no restrictions between the groom and the bride. By customary law, they are already husband and wife.

Between now and the wedding day, the woman visits the man’s mother. There is no need to escort the woman to her man’s people. The visit is purely for the woman to reasonably acquaint herself with the man’s side and convince them that their son will be in the hands of a caring woman. She does this by doing a number of chores and spending some time with her husband.

Key roles explained 

Acinamangoswe ŵakucilume 

This time, their role is to confirm the earlier wish and make a formal marriage proposal. They are asked to pay a certain amount of money to the acinamangoswe ŵakucikongwe, but since the payment is not based on any factor, they might negotiate the charge using whatever skills they have. After this meeting, they will advise the man on how he should treat his bride-to-be and all aspects of marriage.

Acinamangoswe ŵakucikongwe 

They will host the meeting. They will also charge mbiya jacinamangoswe to the other party. This amount is split between them as acinamangoswe ŵakucikongwe, not with the woman’s parents. After this meeting, they are expected to find time to advise the woman on how she can handle marriage life.

 Ndowa/nikah (wedding) ceremony

What is needed?

• cash

Who is involved?

• Ŵalume (groom-to-be)
• Ŵakongwe (bride-to-be)
• Acinamangoswe (Intermediaries)
• Shehe (sheikh)

What is the process?

Ndowa is the wedding ceremony of the Yao people. Those living in town prefer to call it nikah (a Muslim marriage ceremony) to make it sound fancy, but the process or ceremony is the same. Thus, nikah is commonly used in towns and cities, while ndowa is mostly a term used in rural communities. The wedding eve is marked with an overnight celebration. Initially, the celebrations were dominated by traditional dances, most especially zikiri. In zikiri, a group of skilled singers was hired and would entertain people throughout the night. The common practice today is to have a DJ play zikiri or Muslim songs. It is rare to find a zikiri traditional dance troupe for hire, let alone be hired.

The wedding can either be held at the woman’s or the man’s place. On the day of the wedding, the couple meets a sheikh either in a house or a mosque, depending on their plan. The man will appear wearing a thawb (ankle-length robe with long sleeves) and a kufi (cap), while the woman wears an abaya (a long, flowing dress), and she covers her face with a hijab. This is a typical Islamic dressing code.

At first, the bride asks the man to pay mahr (a mandatory amount of money paid to the woman as a symbol of respect for her). Mahr can also be in the form of a gift or an action that the bride tells the groom to do; for example, she can ask the man to recite a surah (verse) from the Quran or bring her a cup of water to drink. After mahr, the couple exchange vows, led by the sheikh. Then they sign in a marriage book and hold hands for a while, signifying their unity.

In the afternoon, a reception is held, characterized by invited guests and parents of either side giving money or gifts to the couple for them to start their married life with ease. The reception involves feasting, where goats are killed, prepared, and served with rice. Initially, rice was a prestigious meal, and it has remained so despite the fact that everyone can afford it now. The eating is done while the DJ continues entertaining the people with the same type of music.

Most often, the wedding reception is held at the woman’s village, and this is where the couple will be living after the wedding; hence, the Yao follow the matrilineal marriage system. If the man decides to take the wife to his people, he gives a chicken to the chief of the village. This is a message alerting him that one of his or her subjects has left the village.

Key roles explained 

Sheikh

He is duty-bound to bless the couple by pronouncing them husband and wife, though he knows that the traditional ceremony made them so already. He also leads the couple in the exchange of vows. Initially, a sheikh was not paid for doing this work, but changes are inevitable.